3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn't pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”fuck off you won’t bring it back!”
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”
When your crush walks in class but youre homeschooled...
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already
Why did i walk across the road?
to get hit by a car
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies "Nine"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It's driving me nuts.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
walk in to a gun store everything was half off I didn't know back to school shopping started
A teacher asks a boy in her class "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says "The one sucking it." The boy says "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him "sir are you drunk?" The man responds "No sir i'm not drunk." So the Officer asks "how high are you?" And the man responds "no sir, its high how are you."
A man walks into a bar, he takes a seat and asks the barmen if he wanted to hear a blonde joke, the barmen replies before you tell this joke I want to tell you something, see the women over there, she is a black belt in karate, she's blonde , see the bouncer over there he is also a blonde, see the chick over there with that pool que she is also blonde, also I have a shotgun behind the bar i'm blonde, so do you still want to tell your joke? He replies f**k that I ain't explaining the joke 4 times.
