Parenthood jokes

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊

A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

I once gave birth to 3 children.

Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.

I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.

What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.

That one never gets old, just like the baby.

Wife: "Hi honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not...."

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have no one to call "daddy."

Baby (DYM 108).

Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?

The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.