The 15+ Best Parenthood Jokes

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son

“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!” “Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”

Why do Orphans go to Chruch? So that they can call someone Father

mom said dad had the best pullout game... now im an uncle

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children. So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children. If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Me: a lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant. Friend: like what? Me: my name, my address, my phone number...

what's the name of a cannibals favorite all you can eat buffet ? planned parenthood !

+1 like = 1 kid in my basment

+1 follower =1 kid in my Microwave

+1 Comet

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq I never had kids

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure. One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four.

I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What does the 14 year old and the fetus inside her have in common. They both say, "Ohh sh*t my mom is going to kill me."

I had a new blonde" part's expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire.. the part's guy was assuming she didn't know about planned parenthood? .. 😂🤣