Parenthood Jokes

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.

Guys, my sister's pregnant!

I'm finally a dad!

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

Why do Orphans go to Chruch? So that they can call someone Father

What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.

mom said dad had the best pullout game... now im an uncle

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children. If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children. So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

A game that all orphans hate,

"Who's your Daddy?"

Can people please shut up about 'male privileges'. There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood, men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of “women only” events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic depute

Women have the right to rape a man or boy and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up feminists please.