My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A game that all orphans hate,
"Who's your Daddy?"
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?
“Here comes the airplane!”
