Parenthood jokes
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
A game that all orphans hate,
"Who's your Daddy?"
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
Memes
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?
“Here comes the airplane!”