Parenthood jokes
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?
What would you call a cover for your cock?
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
Why did the orphans like church so much?
So they had someone to call father...
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
What did the dad say to the kid?
"U got to be kidding me."
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.