Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?
What would you call a cover for your cock?
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
Why did the orphans like church so much?
So they had someone to call father...
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
What did the dad say to the kid?
"U got to be kidding me."
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
