Parenthood jokes
What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.
That one never gets old, just like the baby.
"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."
My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.
A game that all orphans hate,
"Who's your Daddy?"
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why can’t orphans have dad jokes? Because they don’t got one.
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.
Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.