1+1=3, just add 9 months.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.
Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.
Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what itâs like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They donât know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphanâs family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter âfâ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphanâs least favorite song? We Are Family.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite type of music? House.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite store? Home Depot.
Whatâs an orphanâs favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Fosterâs.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because itâs the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"
I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.
What do people have that orphans don't? A family.
Whatâs the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, âIâm going to get milk!â to his wife and kids.
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
Baby (DYM 108).
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boyâs testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boyâs testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, âIâve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?â
âNo,â the woman replied. âIâm with the Internal Revenue Service.â
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
