Parenthood jokes
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.