Otherness jokes

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.

The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"

The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."

The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."

The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"

The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?

One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."

What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.

Sister, you're ugly.

Other sister: I'm not your reflection.

PS. Sorry if it is not funny.

Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.

What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?

"Stop staring at my nuts."

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

What did one candle say to the other?

"Want to go out tonight?"