Otherness jokes

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

You’re so fat,

that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?

Time to beet your maker.

Let's tell a secret about each other... I'll go first.

I

hate

you!

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?

Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Heehheehehehehehehe

To get to the other side. Ahaahahahahahahahahahahaa!

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."