Otherness jokes

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?

Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!

What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?

Time to beet your maker.

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Heehheehehehehehehe

To get to the other side. Ahaahahahahahahahahahahaa!

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?

What did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. 😂😂😂