One jokes
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
No one will fight me, who is brave and strong enough to beat this beta simp femboy?
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
Which way do gay men walk?
One Direction.
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?
One won't let you down, while the other will.
One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
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Are you still a virgin?
If you do IT
With no one?
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.