One jokes

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.

What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.

That one never gets old, just like the baby.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because no one came back with any.

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?

One "knight"!!!

I saw my girlfriend walking by. I told her, "Wow, you look so beautiful!" and then we started to talk. Then someone came behind me. She said, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm flirting," and I remember I was talking to my mom, and my girlfriend was HER MOM, which is my sister, but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE, but my mom is my wife too. Looks like I'm getting a divorced but which one, my girlfriend [or] my mom?

What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?

They both have a hole in one.

A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.

"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"

The man with glasses frowns.

"Where did all the others go, then?"

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

There is no god. None, not one.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."

One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."

Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One really small one and one really small black guy.