One jokes
Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
I got one of those.
A guy walks up to a girl. He says, "Hey, you want a poker? I’ve got one."
What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?
So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
What's the difference between a cunnilinguist and a Ritz?
One is a snack cracker.
The other, a crack snacker.
What is the difference between cunnilingus and a confused Parisian tourist?
One lapses into French, the other Frenches into laps.
I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.
I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.
Why do orphans have no home?
Because they didn't have a family to give them one.
"Addison, are you one of those kids who are very, very, very, very smart? Because you sound like one."
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Don't make a person look a fool when you are the real one!
If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.