One jokes

What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?

One can feed a family.

I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.

One was a salted peanut.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???

I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.

Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

What's the difference between me and the rest of America?

I love one and hate the other.

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

What do you call a house with no one living inside?

An orphan house.

Morbius is definitely one of the movies ever made. One of the movies of all time.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!

Which one's super super corny?

1. What's blue and not heavy? (🤔) Light blue.

2. What's blue and super hard to see?

Dark blue. (🤔)