One jokes
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
One day Jack and Jill went up a hill. Jack got Jill drunk and horny, then took her to a hotel because Jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick.
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
I’m breaking up with you, bitch.
Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?
Because he never missed a beat!
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.
I know a baby carrot when I see one.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good
What did one mountain say to the other? Nice to peak you!