Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!
One Jokes
Hi, I'm Claire. I am new to this website. I have been seeing these "Legends," and I've been tracking one specifically, watersharky. I have questions about him. Is he nice, protective, single? If anyone has any more information about him, please tell me.
So, one day I saw a dog outside, so I played with it. Then I was like, "I’m gonna see its name and where it lives." So I did. Then... its name was Momo. Then I looked to see where it lived. It said "Joe Momma Street."
One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."
The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.
Wanna hear a short joke? Well duh, I mean that's why you're on here... Well, here one...
My life.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.
What did one astronaut say to the other astronaut after landing on the Moon?
"Ah! And people thought we were moons!"
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
I'm supposed to put a joke here.
But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?
I'm sure you'll laugh.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
What’s one thing smarter than Stephen Hawking? His computer.
One day a skeleton never worked. Everyone called him lazybones.
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
What is the difference between a human and a tree and a house? Is for dinner today after school today after I have school 🏫 I have for kids dinner 🍴 was that I had dinner 🍴 night night dinner 🍴 night is what time it when we went and get the dog 🐶 night and dinner 🍴 night I love 💕 it is the one ☝️ I did not have time today.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
