Marathon jokes

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

What runs but never stops?

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

How do you get 1 million followers:

{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."

This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!

What's long, hard, and bloody?

The Boston Marathon.

3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Once, there was a brother and a sister that shared a YouTube channel. He named it "Penis Dick Marathon."