One jokes
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What do you call your sister who only has one leg?
Ei-lean.
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!
President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎
Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?
Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?
"Ajous".
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."