Bat

Bat Jokes

Baseball

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

God

Oh my god, she hit me with a bat,

'Cause she was transgender.

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  • Hitler

    When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?

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  • Tree

    Why did the bat fall out of the tree?

    It couldn’t hang in there.

    Son

    Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

    He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

    "Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

    Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

    Road

    Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.

    Mouse

    Two female mice met and one spoke:

    "Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."

    Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."

    "That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"

    Batman

    Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?

    Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.

    Cross

    What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?

    Love at first byte! <3

    Doctor

    Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

    Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

    Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

    Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

    Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?