Occupation jokes
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to drop some FRESH SEEDS.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To drop some SWEET BEATS!
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?
They both use strap on tools.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?
He kept dropping the bass."
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
What's an astronaut's favorite game? Space-ball!
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.