Occupation jokes
Bob the builder.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What is a gay man's favorite job?
A blowjob.
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
Am I a guard or a guava?
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
You wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still workin' on it!
Who did a barber win a race?
He knew a short cut.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
I lick poo for a living... You?
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!