Occupation jokes
Am I a guard or a guava?
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
What is a gay man's favorite job?
A blowjob.
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
I lick poo for a living... You?
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
Who did a barber win a race?
He knew a short cut.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!