I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? -- Because they change theirs more often.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
What did one traffic light say to the other. Stop looking I am changing
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? -- Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
How many People do you need to change a Lightbulb? Three.The first holds the ladder,the second one holds the Lightbulb and the third one spins the Ladder.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb well it's not 53 cause my basements still dark
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him