I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? -- Because they change theirs more often.
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
What did one traffic light say to the other. Stop looking I am changing
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive,slipped,and said, "oh shit".
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? -- Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How many People do you need to change a Lightbulb? Three.The first holds the ladder,the second one holds the Lightbulb and the third one spins the Ladder.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals. I hacker, a rapist, a serial killer and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial decides that she want’s to change, but when she see a knife she just can’t help it. He bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist get teleported back to prison
