I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black
There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives
What did one traffic light say to the other. Stop looking I am changing
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, …
so Trump can’t tweet it.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password
The broccoli says ‘I look like a small tree’, the mushroom says ‘I look like an umbrella’, the walnut says ‘I look like a brain’, and the banana says ‘Can we please change the subject?’
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? – Because they change theirs more often.
Broccoli says" I look like a tree" Walnut says “I look like a brain”, Cashew says “I look like a kidney”, Banana says "can we change the topic please? "