I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
Conservatives hate Barack Obama and transgender people for the same exact reason.
They hate change.