Object jokes

Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”

Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”

He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.

What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?

Boomerangs come back.

What did the plate say to the other plate?

I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?

What is white and fluffy? A peelo.

Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?

The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.

What do you call hot cups?

Sunglasses.

What's green and sticky?

... A stick.

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.

I sat on a chair.

You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.

What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.

What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, he just waved.

I’d say Leo is as sharp as a marble, but that would be an insult to marbles.

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?

A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.