Object jokes
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
I would tell a clock joke, but I don't have time.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!
What is white and fluffy? A peelo.
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
What has eyes but can't see?
Potatoes, storms, and needles.
Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
What did the rope say to me?
"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.