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News jokes

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Bandit

Wade · 2 years ago

A news headline reads: "The Ohio Butthole Tickling Bandit Has Escaped Custody and Being Hunted By Police." Below the headline are two images: one shows police cars with flashing lights and the other shows the mugshot of the supposed bandit with wide eyes.

Car

tabs1528 · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a Google search with the text "white people stole my car" in the search bar. Below the search bar, Google suggests, "Did you mean: black people stole my car."

Friend

minecraftsuchti · 2 years ago

A screenshot of a Google search for "who was hitler's best friend" with the result showing the movie character Mort, a lemur.

Summer

Creed (shit isnt availabe) · 1 year ago

A meme featuring text at the top and bottom of an image of actor Mark Wahlberg looking confused. The top text reads "News: Deadly heatwave is coming. Texans:". The bottom text reads "YOU MEAN SUMMER?".

Bro

ℑ𝔪 𝔚𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔖𝔱𝔲𝔭𝔦𝔡 · 3 years ago

Bro looks like his mom dropped him when he was a new born

Loss

𝕱𝖗𝖚𝖎𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕰𝖑𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖘 · 3 years ago

saddest youtube comment :(

A text-based image displaying a story in a format similar to a forum post. It starts with the user detailing an event from when they were younger where their mom and sister had gone out to get groceries, and they were doing chores. While doing chores, they watched the news and saw a report of a local woman and daughter getting killed in a car accident. They then write about finding a note from their mom telling them they could play their game console before she came back. The post ends with them mentioning she never came home.

GTA VI

Heroin Monkey · 11 months ago

A person holds a blue plastic handheld water ring toss game, which features cartoon fish and an octopus in a water-filled screen. The screen also contains small colorful rings. The text overlaid on the image, presented as a news headline, reads: "NEWS. GTA VI WILL NOT BE RELEASED ON THE WATER RING TOSS HANDHELD." Below this headline, smaller text says: "My favourite handheld...".

Driver

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A news headline reads: 'Pantless driver dies after being ejected through his sunroof while masturbating to porn on a cellphone when the car crashed and rolled over.'

Page

αmy · 2 years ago

i know what i’m naming my child

A Google search results page for the search term "p girl names." The results include typical names like "Paige," "Patricia," and "Penelope," but also lists "Pakistan International Airlines."

Shooting

XCVHJhgfghjhgsghjuehdj23456789 · 3 years ago

Ohio BRUH

A news report with the headline "Columbus I-71 Shooting Suspect Was Upset His Pet Duck Flew Away - Delaware Ohio News" and a mugshot of the suspect above. The text "BREAKING NEWS - SHOOTING SUSPECT SPEARS FROM JAX" is displayed on a red banner.

Florida Man

CrackedRuby_alt · 2 years ago

Oop

A tweet from CBS News stating that a Florida man was arrested for kidnapping 27 people and forcing them to play Yahtzee for 36 hours straight. The tweet includes the man's mugshot.

Ohio

Daddy dick · 3 years ago

Just wanna repost from my old account

A news headline states "The Ohio Butthole Tickling Bandit Has Escaped Custody And Being Hunted By Police." Below the text there is an image with police cars and emergency lights as well as a mugshot of a man with wide eyes and a shocked expression. The news source is attributed to timw_brap, and the post date is January 8, 2016.

Arrest

Daddy dick · 3 years ago

Repost from my friends account

A picture of a news report at night, with police and firetrucks visible. On the right, a mugshot of Ian, the person who was arrested. The text reads: Breaking news. Ian arrested for breaking into homes and tickling butthole!

God

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) · 3 years ago

Oop

A skeleton wearing a Russian hat and holding a rifle sits behind a desk with papers. The text overlay says, "Oh god I've done it again" and a search bar with text, "help i accidentally joined the russian mafia."

Clock

Chri5 · 3 years ago

We are getting rather close guys.

The image shows a screenshot of a news article about a clock in New York that now displays the time remaining instead of the current time. Below is the Tom cat from Tom and Jerry looking confused with the text "hol up".

Sentence

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows a news headline that reads: "Prisoners 'could serve 1,000 year sentence in eight hours'" followed by the text: "Future biotechnology could be used to make prisoners feel as if they were serving a 1,000 year sentence, a team of scientists claim". Below, Peter Griffin from "Family Guy" is sitting in a chair with the text: "ah sweet man-made horrors beyond my comprehension" above him.

Difference

Anonymous · 2 years ago

The image is divided into two parts. On the left, a screenshot of a BBC News search result with an orange cat and the text: "What makes ginger tom cats so adventurous?". On the right, a black-and-white image of a smiling, muscular man with a strong jawline. Above the two images, there's a text saying: "Difference? I think not".

Cookie

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a group of soldiers in military gear, with one soldier aiming a rifle around a corner. Below this image, there is a news banner that reads, "Breaking News. Live. Due to a decrease in cookie sales, the Girl Scouts switch to a more aggressive sales campaign."

Music

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A news headline reads "KSI threatens to release new music" displayed over a photo of KSI and two other men.

Tragedy

Kai :) · 3 years ago

omg im sobbing so hard, saddest yt comment ever bro, challenge, find a sadder one

A screenshot of a YouTube comment. It tells a story about a person whose mother and sister die in a car accident. After some time, they open their old PS2 and find a note from their mom stating that they can play after the chores are done. She also writes that she loves them. The commenter notes that the mother never came home and they never received their hugs and kisses.

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