News Jokes

Yo forehead so big, NASA needed it for the new planet stupid

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin. At least now I can have his phone he left.

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing so hope you enjoy and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

He dead, he alive but most importantly he got a new hard drive

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Me holding a new cat: Say Hi to my little friend! My friends: Hi to my little friend!

Time to go to New York to visit the twin towers.

They’re already getting closer

How do you fit 27 New Zealand Tourists in a 15 seater bus? Simple. All in the ashtray.

Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first? Jack: Bad News first Mother: I'm dying! Jack: Mother, I said bad news first. Mother: *cries* Jack was never seen again.

what does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in comen? you can tune a piano but you can't piano a tuna? but what about the glue said bob I ? new you would get stuck on that

everyone take off your pride flags its already a new month

Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?

Because he always makes spider-sense.

Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person Christopher Walking.

I wa finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve. Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.