News jokes

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?

Because he’s always on the webcast.

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch?

Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.

As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

Like if you laugh.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.

Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!

It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.

Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...

What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?

Dairy free.