I wonder of Steven hawking was a organ donor cuz i need new parts for my go kart
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger? Orange is the new black
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.
Why does New York have the jets as their football team if those are what took out the twin towers
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
