Breaking news jokes

Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?

Because they are breaking the whole entire news.

Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.

BREAKING NEWS

All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.

The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.

Watching the 9/11 documentaries, just watching a kill cam.

Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?

To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.

Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.

9/11 victims are the best readers.

They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.

Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!