My jokes

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

What is your name?

My ankle is named Samantha.

Words that have "ho" in them:

Thot

Whore

Asshole

Horrible

Horena (my ex gf)

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."

This. This is my class.

[https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xlzTJPmpV9o](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xlzTJPmpV9o)

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.

My life.

1 like = 1 small dick whiny conservative in my blender.

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.

Hey, wanna hear a joke?

My life :(

I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.

Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)

Mom: Go clean your room, Little Johnny.

Little Johnny: No, it’s my room.

Mom: Well, it’s my house.

Little Johnny: Then go clean it.

Mom: Go to school!

At school:

Teacher: Hi, Little Johnny. You’re late.

Little Johnny: Watch because my son of a bitch mom told me to clean her room. I told her no, it’s my room, and then she said, 'Well, it’s my house.' Then I said, 'Go clean it,' and then she told me to go to school.

Teacher: Johnny, go to the principal’s office! You just came into school and now you're causing trouble. Go!

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.