My jokes
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
My puns are awesome, pure gold.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.
So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
"Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."
One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
Can I put my baaaalls in yo jaaaaws?
Boy, if you don't get your "I'm Burger King with my Burger Queen!"
Yo, little sister, pussy taste so GOOD on my TONGUE!