My jokes

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

My grief counselor died.

He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?

I can’t marmalade my cock into your mum’s arse.

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa saw it before you!

My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!