My jokes

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

What did the naked man say to the naked woman?

"Suck my dick."

My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and went right.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

Q: What's red during puberty?

A: The blood on my hands.

In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!

Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.

BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA

ALAKBAR

My dad is nice!

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.

Everyone at the barbecue...

I put my uncle's ashes in my Taco Bell so he could tear my ass up one more time.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

When my dog barks, he gets ruff.

What do you call my IP? 74.125.224.72 hahahahahahahahaha

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.