My jokes
When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.
Can someone be my daddy?
You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.
"Dumbest7" is my Xbox account. Hit me up.
"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."
"Why?"
"He was very open-minded!"
Hi guys, I’m so so so bored. My point is, does anyone have time for chatting tomorrow, around 12:00 or so on? Guest list included:
1 Gwen
2 water sharky
So on and so on.
We can talk about Reddit or just other things. Thank you. 😀
Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.
Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
My friend David lost his ID.
Now he is just Dav.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
My friend: “Vaporeon is my favorite Pokémon.”
Me: “Hey, did you kno-“
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."