My jokes
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
my name in ai art generator
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
Hi, my name is Crappy. I like tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and ya now GET LOST!
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
I once cummed on my boyfriend's dick. { puts an eggplant emoji }
I like to watch porn too ;)
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.
If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.