My jokes
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
A kid is learning about planets in school, when he hears the planet Uranus. Knowing it's the perfect opportunity for a joke, the kid replies, "Where's my anus?"
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"
I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-
My buddies think I'm on the lake.
Boss thinks I've been sick for days.
And mama's probably on her way
'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.
I've been a million places,
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Took a trip down memory lane.
Checked into hotel heartbreak.
Passed rock bottom on the way
Without leaving my living room.
I've been a million places
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Yeah
I've been gone.
All the clothes are on the floor
All the mail's by the door
All the whiskey bottles in my bed.
All the dishes in the sink
All the gas is in the tank
All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
Gone
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
My guy: I have a Q-Tip.
Me: You can Q my tip.
My guy: Ayo!
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"
This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ
"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."
Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your laughter's melody, Makes my world anew.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.