My Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ùshe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

My life

My life who?

My life is depressing...

2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together. Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me? Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house. Police: ... Child: 😊 Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

I still remember my grandpas last words is that loaded

My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Next time at walmart I'm going to scan my wrist they are basically barcodes

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside? My record holding cucumbers locally grown at my farm

one day a priest loses his cock (chicken) he goes to the church and says "who has seen a cock" all the woman raised their hands "no who has seen a cock that is not theirs" half the woman's hands went up "NO NO NO who has seen my cock" all the nuns hands went up