My jokes

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

Are you the Twin Towers? Because you made my heart explode.

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

Because they don’t deserve rights!

I just wanna say thanks to everyone who favorited my jokes and commented! Thanks!

My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?

Divorced.

I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔

Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021