My jokes

What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?

“My Mommy Comes Back”

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!

I saw my sister sucking a big toe.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

Are you the Twin Towers? Because you made my heart explode.

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Me: The light wow brighter than my future.

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.