My jokes

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

It squirted in my eye, God dammit!

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

What is blue and wiggling on my floor?

A baby in a bag.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

Your mom's my dad. Think about that!

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."

Ok.

"Thank you, what is your wish?"

I wish for my 5 cents back.

Why do my kids die?

Stinky Oussy :D

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.