My jokes
Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."
My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"
Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
Daddy, where's my anus?
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.