My jokes

Two girls have a sleepover.

Karen: Let's go to bed.

Lauren: Fine, but it's early.

*Karen wakes up and exits room*

*Lauren hears noise*

Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.

Lauren: *laughs*

Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

My sister got mad when I told her to say this word 10 times, and she got in trouble, and it was a funny word that she did not even know what she was saying, ahhahaha! 😆 lol

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.

Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)

MY NAME IS JEFFFFFFFF!

Twitter just blew my mind.

I was having a blast until I ended the stream with a bang!

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"

Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"

My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.

Ha Ha Ha

I thought it was funny.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.