My jokes

Beta

Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.

Pistol

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Son

Son: Dad, I'm gay.

Dad: I support you.

Son: I like you.

Dad: Get out and into my room!

Memes

Blow job

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

Nut

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

Film

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Pizza

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!

Wheelchair

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Hairline

Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.

Fortnite

"Fortnite battlepass, I just shit out my ass."

Fortnite, Fortnite, did I mention Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite?

Friend

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Wheelchair

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

Girl

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

Pride Month

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

Song

What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?

“My Mommy Comes Back”