A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
My Jokes
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
