My jokes

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and kids?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.