My jokes

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and kids?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

My dog died. I'm so sad.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.