My jokes

My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

My dog died. I'm so sad.

Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.

Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.

Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

Scan my wrist for 75% off!

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.