My jokes

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.

I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.

I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.