"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
My Jokes
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Lick my nut.
Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!
My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
Hey guess what...
What...
My penis is big.
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.
Sadly, he didn't see it coming.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
