My jokes
Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?
Bianca: It's Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”
My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
Q: Name a murderer?
A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.
It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.
A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
My sister said she was as fat as a coconut, so I threw one at her and she was right.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.