My jokes

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.

God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

- JFK