My jokes
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Yo, Bloon... what bitch where the fuck my child support camo Bloon? πππππππ
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
Memes
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess itβs partial arts.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger sister.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"
I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."
He asked, "In an orphanage?"
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didnβt tell me via email.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)
I am crying tears of joy rn.π I was wrongfully denied my visa. β οΈ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.
The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" π. I was right guys β π«
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro π€ 2. Sell Pernandes π€ 3. Sell Bencho π€ 4. Sell Trashford π€ 5. Terminate penaldo π€ 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal π
These came down deep from my heart. Donβt let me down again, please.
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.