My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
My Jokes
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
I like my coffee like my women.
Amateur.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.
I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
