My jokes

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

Why did I shoot my dog?

Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎

My grandfather had the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

Can you guys check out my joke, please?

What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.

I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?

Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢