Schizophrenic jokes

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

Are you the voices I've been hearing?

Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.