Schizophrenic jokes

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

Are you the voices I've been hearing?

Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).

If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.