My jokes

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.

Roses are red, violets are violet,

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"