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I know this is supposed to be an emo joke, but does anyone want to play Rocket League?

I'm on PS4, by the way!

My name: Box3d_by_Clapped

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

My uncle was a priest.

He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.

An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”

The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”

My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"

Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.

Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!