My jokes

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

  • 1
  • My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

    I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

    Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

    Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

    Me: How do you know that?

    Why did your parents abandon you?

    Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."

    I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

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  • "9/11 was not funny; it was plane wrong because my dad was the best fucking pilot in Jeddah."

    Normal people: I'm my own nationality.

    Michael Jackson: Click here to change nationality.