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My jokes

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

Why is everyone trying to make a big deal out of this? My family were only flying to Pakistan and crashed into 2 towers.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.

Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.

And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")

But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)

Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket

So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long

My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."