ME jokes
Armless child: Can you give me a hand??
Me: Ok.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"
I replied, "As soon as possible!"
If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.
He had a song named after him: "They see me rolling."
Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
"Fuck me, Jarry."
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Hi, I'm Claire. I am new to this website. I have been seeing these "Legends," and I've been tracking one specifically, watersharky. I have questions about him. Is he nice, protective, single? If anyone has any more information about him, please tell me.
A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.
After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.
And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"
God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"