ME jokes
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
I'm a poor Indian, please help me.
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!