File jokes
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.
Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.
Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.
Yo mama so FAT, she can't handle files bigger than 4 GB.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
"A N N O Y I N G - D O G - R O B - Y O U R - S A F E."
Biggest joke?
[Image of Zac Efron]
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
A goose with no beak, and you eat?
Goose beak salad, file! :)
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.