ME jokes

Coach

    • The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

    Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

    One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

    He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

    Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

    He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

    The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

    "Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

    "Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

    The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

    "I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

    Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

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    • Orphan

    • Me: Are you an orphan?

    Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?

    Me: Where's your parents?

    Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?

    Me: Because it has a home button.

    ME memes

    Entertainment

    • I’m not funny! Please do not laugh at my jokes! But do check them out, they’re very unpredictable. Read them, do not laugh, they’re jokes, do not laugh at them!

    Someone: hah- Me: NO DON’T YOU DARE!😠😠

    Abuse

    • My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.

    Pussy

    • One day I woke up and went on my phone. Some "pussy" was calling me. I answered it and said, "Hello, pussy?" and a pussy pic showed up.

  • 3

    • Snail

    • Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.

    Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.

    Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.

  • 2

    • Homework

    • Dumb kid: What does homework mean?

    Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?

    Me:

    "Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"

    Mom

    • The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.

    Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.

    The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.

    Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.

    The person I hate: Rood.

    Me: Shut up.

  • 4