ME jokes

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

Frenid: R u gay?

Me: Yes u

Frenid: No I am bi.

Me: Dang it!

Frenid: What?

Me: I like u.

Frenid: Ok I like u to.

I'm evilest-evil man.

"Yes, you are," scared guy.

No, me, it me: Evil super evil boy!

Someone on here said it previously:

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

Free blacks in the Civil War is the same as me drawing a reverse card in Uno.

Me: Hi Jaiden.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.

Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*

Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.

FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!

A man attacked me with cheese and milk. How dairy!

Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?

Me: He could feel it in his bones.

Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!

Heheh ;3

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

What’s the difference from me and a gay person? You.

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?

Why do people have sex?

Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"

A ball hit me in the vagina.

Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

I'm a poor Indian, please help me.

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"