ME jokes

A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"

I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."

Bootylicious lol

Mom! Mom! The class called me an orphan.

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

Please encourage me to do suicide! ;P

I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.

Because that's what I want.

Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.

My friend: How?

Justin: Justin!

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

True story.

My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.

No one will fight me, who is brave and strong enough to beat this beta simp femboy?

Friend, you're bold and fat.

Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.

MISSING!! MISSING!! 🚨

Name-pionel PESSI Missing: 09/03/2021 vs Madrid Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty"

Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, St etienne

Last seen- Alaba’s Pocket

⚠️ ⚠️: don’t walk around with pens

I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.

He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.

Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.

My bully: Your face is ugly.

Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

My bully: :(

Teacher: Go through the ABCs in pre-school.

Me: Hey, teacher, omae wa mou shindeiru!

Teacher: NANI!?!?

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

Gwen: Addison, I don't mean to be mean but you're really starting to be an asshole!

Addison: I don't know what you mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!

Kariah: That's sad!