ME jokes

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

I read a quote about the Twin Towers that hit me like a plane.

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

Call me Willma, Will ma balls fit in ya mouth?

Me lol.

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?

A: To find his dad.

This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.