ME jokes

My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!

Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!

They told me I could never be an actor.

No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.

"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

Prince might be with a new girl, but he still wants Gwen, who doesn't? Other half.

Gwen on the phone with Prince: Prince, stop sending me letters, poems, and memes through Gmail. We broke up, it's over!

Prince on the phone with Gwen: I know, but that new girl that I been seeing is not you! I miss you a lot! Please come back to me.

Gwen on the phone with Prince: I'm gonna hang up now!

Prince on the phone with Gwen: PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwen on the phone with Prince: Sorry, I can't hear you...you're breaking up...what?!

Prince on the phone with Gwen: Gwen! DO NOT HANG UP !!!!!!!!

Gwen on the phone with Prince: Okay...bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: Impatient feminist.

Friend: Impati--

Me: Why don't we have equal pay YETTTTTTT?

Hi, I am back! Tell me what's happening?

A B C D E F G H I see a bitch in front of me.

Why you gay, bruh? I know why I'm gay. I got the wolf pack protectors spirit in me, YA BOIIIII!