ME jokes
What is black and white and red all over?
Answer: A newspaper.
That is what my 3-year-old told me.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
Memes
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
What did the calculator say to the student?
You can always count on me.
Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
What is an orphan’s favorite game? Adopt me.
Guy: Fight me on Xbox. Guy: Oh right, you don't have one *laughs*
Me: Fight me in real life. Me: Oh right, you don't have a real life. *INSERTS APPLE BOTTOM JEANS*
2021-2022
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!