ME jokes

9/11 jokes just don't hit right with me.

Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?

Seek and Hide: Me.

Figure: Ok, Seek, you're it. Me and Hide will hide.

Seek: Why do I have to be the seeker?

Figure: Because your name is in seeker.

9/11 jokes just don't fly around me.

Hello, everybody, it's me, Mariplier, and today I'm going to be balling at Freddy's!

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

Me. I am the joke.

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"

How many letters are in the English Alphabet?

Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?

Doctor: The morgue.

Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!

Doctor: And we're not there yet!

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(